43 1970 – My Annus Horribilis

Indeed, 1971 was a horrible year for me – I went through an acute anxiety phase including a fear of socializing, which finally culminated in a nervous breakdown! As mentioned earlier, I just about managed to give my First Year Arts exams, and luckily managed to pass. I decided to leave St Xavier’s College and instead opted for a distance learning course which I could do from home.

In my anxious state, I desperately started reading books on psychology including self-help books. I even read books on hypnotherapy, but somehow found little relief. My parents were very concerned with my health, and they tried their best to counsel and console me. My Mother spent a lot of time in prayer and Bible reading for my benefit.

Staying at home also gave me time to introspect – during my school days my interaction with the Seventh-day Adventist Church had reduced considerably. For 2 years from 1965 to 1967, our school had classes on Saturdays so it was impossible for me to attend church. From 1967, St Mary’s shifted to a regular 5-day week but my zeal to attend church had declined. However during this time, my Mother had developed close links with church members and her faith in Christianity and Jesus Christ had grown substantially.

I took a cue from my Mother and I prayed earnestly for healing. I also decided that I needed to realign my spiritual priorities; and reconnected with the Seventh-day Adventist Church nearby. In the meanwhile, we finally decided to seek psychiatric intervention. Though I initially reluctant, I finally agreed to visit a psychiatrist. We consulted a brilliant lady psychiatrist Dr Dhanalakshmi Iyer, at her consulting rooms in Harganga Mahal near Dadar circle. She reassured me that I had a very mild psychological disorder that could very easily be rectified. I underwent the medical treatment that had side effects like sleepiness, lethargy and a certain amount of memory loss.

I slowly regained my confidence and felt better and more comfortable in the company of people – with these baby steps I gradually felt comfortable going out and socializing. I joined Wilson College briefly in June of 1970, but because of the side effects of the medicines, was unable to concentrate, and decided instead to take on a distance learning course.